I’ll be honest — I don’t like conflict. I’m not entirely conflict-avoidant, but I don’t seek it out either.
A couple of years ago, though, I learned something from you that reshaped how I think about leadership. I was facilitating a GROW Coaching Certification session for leaders who had previously been certified in InsideOut Coaching. When we reached Module 7, GROW for Alignment, one facilitator, Gilda Stafford of CACI, shared an insight I’ll never forget:
As leaders and coaches, we must become conflict-capable.
That framing stopped me in my tracks. I had never thought about the alignment conversation in such simple terms: it’s a tool for becoming conflict-capable.
Why Conflict Capability Matters
Since then, I’ve realized that much of how we’re evaluated as leaders isn’t just about how we support top performers (though that’s important). It’s about how we coach and develop team members who underperform or clash with others.
In fact, our ability to advance as leaders often hinges on how well we lead both the high achievers and those who struggle to align with team and organizational goals.
Recently, while working with managers from a Florida water district, one IT manager put it plainly: the hardest part of his job wasn’t the technical challenges he loved. It was navigating tough conversations with underperforming engineers or those in conflict with teammates.
And he’s not alone.
Clear Is Kind
One of the most important lessons I’ve learned about alignment conversations comes from Danna of Leidos:Clear is kind.
When we sugarcoat feedback, avoid specifics, or speak vaguely to protect someone’s feelings, we’re not being kind. We’re withholding the clarity they need to grow. Real respect comes from being direct, specific, and constructive.
As Mahan Khalsa, a respected thought leader in sales performance, often says, “Say the hard things in a soft way.” That’s the essence of an effective alignment conversation: straightforward, honest, yet compassionate.
The Solution: Leadership First, Then Training
Becoming conflict-capable isn’t about chasing conflict. It’s about leading with:- Clarity: Being direct and specific about expectations
- Courage: Addressing tough issues instead of avoiding them
- Care: Balancing firmness with respect and empathy
When we lean into conflict with clarity, courage, and care, we not only elevate others … we elevate ourselves.
If you’re ready to put “conflict-capable” leadership into practice, the right tools can help. Our Coaching Conversation Action Plan gives leaders a simple, practical guide to facilitating conversations that inspire. Download your free copy today and start turning clarity, courage, and care into everyday habits that strengthen your team.
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