You explain the assignment. They nod. You walk away thinking everyone is clear on what happens next.
Then the questions start.
“Is this what you wanted?” “I do not understand the assignment.” “I have been waiting for more detail from you.”
Or maybe nothing happens at all. When you check in a few days later, you discover they were waiting for you to bring it up again because they assumed you would if it really mattered. Eventually, frustration sets in on both sides. The employee may even get to the point of saying, “Why don’t you just do it? I do not seem to get what you want.”
For a manager, this can be exhausting. Every task seems to require another explanation. Every decision comes back for approval. Work moves slowly, often without much passion or ownership. It is easy to conclude that you have an employee who simply cannot work independently. Sometimes that is true. But before you decide you have a capability problem, it is worth asking a harder question: Have you accidentally trained them to wait for you?
The Direction Trap
Most managers do not create dependency intentionally. They are trying to help. Someone brings you a question, and you answer it. You see something going off course, so you correct it. You know exactly what the finished product should look like, so you explain it in detail. Then you check the work along the way and make a few more changes.
It feels efficient. Do it often enough, though, and something starts to happen. The employee learns that there is a right answer in your head, and their job is to figure out what it is. So they check. “Is this right?” You make another adjustment. They check again. Pretty soon, you are frustrated that they will not make a decision, while they are trying very hard not to make a decision you will change later.
That is the trap: The more you direct, the more they learn to wait for direction.
Too Much Direction And Too Little Direction Can Create The Same Problem
There are two ways managers can end up here. One is obvious: You provide too much direction. You describe the end state, prescribe the process, check every step, correct frequently, and gradually make the final product yours instead of theirs.
The other is less obvious: You provide too little direction. You hand over an assignment without establishing what problem needs to be solved, what success needs to accomplish, or when it needs to be done. Then you step back and expect the employee to figure out what you meant.
Both can create interference.
In one case, the employee is thinking, “There is no point deciding because my manager will decide anyway.” In the other, they are thinking, “I do not know what a good decision looks like.” Neither creates ownership.
Managing The Work Is Not The Same As Doing The Thinking
Managers still need to manage. Coaching does not mean handing someone an assignment with no parameters and hoping for the best. Your job is to create clarity around what matters. Here is the problem we are trying to solve. Here is what the solution must do, prove, or allow for. Here is when we need it. Let me know now or along the way if you have questions.
Then comes the harder part: Let them think. That is where managing starts to become more coach-like.
Research supports the value of that shift. A 2023 study published in Frontiers in Psychology found that coaching leadership was positively associated with creative performance, with psychological empowerment and employees speaking up constructively helping explain that relationship. The researchers describe coaching leadership as supporting employees’ “autonomy and confidence” while helping them work toward organizational goals.
That distinction matters. You are not removing the goal. You are giving the performer more room to determine the Way Forward.
Stop Answering Questions They Can Answer
This is where the InsideOut Approach™ becomes very practical. Ask before you tell. When an employee asks, “Is this what you wanted?” resist the reflex to immediately start editing. Ask, “How does this meet the objectives we agreed on?” If they ask what they should do next, try, “What Options are you considering?” If something has stalled, ask, “What is getting in the way?”
You are not withholding information they genuinely need. You are finding out whether they need information at all. Sometimes they do. Give it to them. But sometimes what looks like a request for information is really a request for reassurance. If you answer every one of those requests, you can unintentionally reinforce the idea that your approval is required before they move. That is how capable people slowly become dependent on the manager.
Be Clear That You Are Changing The Pattern
If you have been directing someone closely for a long time, do not suddenly change your behavior and expect them to understand what is happening. Tell them. You might explain that you realize you have been too involved in the details and want to give them more ownership. You will still be clear about the Goal, requirements, and timing, but you want them making more of the decisions about how to get there.
Then put the assignment in writing. Not every step; the objective. What problem are we solving? What does the outcome need to accomplish? What constraints matter? When is it due? From there, our follow-ups should keep returning to those objectives rather than your personal preference for how the work should be done.
That last part can be difficult. You may look at what they created and think, “That is not how I would have done it.” Fine. Does it solve the problem? Does it meet the requirements? Does it produce the needed result? If it does, you may be looking at a successful assignment rather than something that needs correcting.
Feedback Still Matters
Giving people room to think does not mean disappearing. In fact, consistent feedback becomes even more important because employees need enough clarity to make good independent decisions. Gallup describes ongoing, high-quality conversations between managers and employees as a “coaching habit” and identifies meaningful feedback as one of the strongest predictors of engagement. Its research also finds a significant gap between perception and reality: About half of managers report giving weekly feedback, while only 20% of employees say they receive it that often.
The important distinction is what happens during that feedback. Feedback can create greater capability, or it can create greater dependency. If every check-in becomes an opportunity for you to rewrite, redirect, and refine the employee’s work until it resembles what you would have produced, they learn to wait for your corrections.
Instead, return to the Goal. Ask what they think is working. Ask what is not. Ask what Options they see. Ask what they plan to do next. You can still provide expertise when it is needed. You just stop assuming that your expertise needs to enter every conversation first.
Give The Change A Few Cycles
Do not try this once and decide it failed. If an employee has spent months or years learning that you want to approve the details, they are not going to become confident decision-makers after one newly coach-like conversation. You have both built a habit.
Give them a few cycles to adjust. At first, they may continue asking for reassurance. They may seem uncomfortable when you answer a question with a question. You may be uncomfortable, too. Stay curious a little longer.
There is a good reason to make the investment. Research published in Frontiers in Psychology found that coaching leadership can strengthen employees’ sense of autonomy and meaningfulness and encourage more proactive, change-oriented behavior.
The goal is not an employee who never needs you. That is not realistic, and it is not leadership. The goal is an employee who knows when they actually need you.
From “Is This What You Wanted?” To “Here Is What I Recommend”
You will know the pattern is changing when the conversations change. Instead of bringing you a problem and waiting, employees start bringing Options. Instead of asking what you want them to do, they tell you want they recommend. Instead of checking every step, they come back when they encounter genuine interference. And instead of spending your day answering questions your employees could have answered themselves, you can spend more of it doing the work only you can do.
That is one of the most valuable outcomes of becoming more coach-like. You are not giving your team less leadership. You are giving them more room to develop their own capacity. Hold the Goal firmly. Make the requirements clear. Then resist the urge to own every step between here and there. You may discover that the constant direction your employees seemed to need was, at least in part, something everyone had learned together. And if it was learned, it can be unlearned.
One conversation at a time.
